Persistence and Pestilence
by Batty Musings
Summary: Waking up with the mother of all colds? Check. Finding out that you couldn't go on a long anticipated undercover mission to scope out an abandoned—gorgeous—island resort? Check. Discovering that you now had to spend the day with an acrobatic hero for whom trolling came as an instinct second only to breathing? Priceless.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Waking up with the mother of all colds? Check. Finding out that you couldn't go on a long anticipated undercover mission to scope out an abandoned—_gorgeous_—island resort? Check. Discovering that you now had to spend the day with an acrobatic hero for whom trolling came as an instinct second only to breathing? Priceless.

* * *

**Persistence and Pestilence**

**Part I**

"You, of all people, should know not to leave your door unlocked. Didn't you grow up in Gotham?"

"I didn't leave it unlocked you little troll, you _picked_ it!"

"Well, you should have known not to make it so easy."

Artemis groaned and half-heartedly threw her bedside lamp at the smug boy leaning against the door, which he dodged easily. Catching it neatly before it hit the ground, Robin gave her a disapproving look. "Really, Artemis?"

"Shuddap," she said, stifling a yawn. "How are you…even here?"

Robin grinned and Artemis was struck with the realization that maybe that hadn't been the best question to ask. Setting the lamp down on the floor, he drawled, "Weell…"

"I just decided I don't want to know," she corrected, settling back under her covers in hope that he would leave her alone; a slim chance, but one she was willing to take for the sake of her sanity. The greater good was something which required daily risks and sacrifice—but sadly, it was a fickle being.

The thick blanket did in fact prove no barrier to the boy's snickering, and Artemis soon found herself forced to listen as he explained, "Remember that time when we just_happened _to bump into each other back before the Reds?"

The image of his smirking face as he bowed to let her enter the transporter first flitted through her head involuntarily, and she clenched her eyes shut, hoping to will it away. She did not _need_ this; she was already running a cold, and she didn't need to be running after a self-satisfied troll too. Robin took her silence as a sort of agreement and continued, "You see, it may not have been so random."

He ignored her disbelieving snort, choosing instead to take it as a signal to go on. "In unrelated news, you need a little more practice in telling if someone's following you. And your subterfuge skills. Which leads me to the question—"

Growling, Artemis shot out of her blanket and pointed an accusing finger at him as she forced out, "Don't you say it. Let's just agree it was a dark chapter in both our careers, and let's leave it _closed_."

Robin pretended to look hurt. "But isn't our job to uncover the truth, 'Mis? Wouldn't it be in bad conscience not to discuss your, frankly horrible, bluffing abilities? You know, if you'd like me to _spell_ it out for you…"

He trailed off suggestively, and even Artemis could tell that he was straining not to grin. She fixed him with one of her darkest stares and intoned, "_No_. No explaining, no suggesting, and absolutely _no_ spelling."

Robin clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Now, how would your cousin feel about that?"

Her temper snapped faster than she could blink, and seconds later Robin found a pillow flying straight towards him. It smashed against his grinning face with a satisfying_thwack_, and Artemis couldn't help the smile that rose at her achievement. Sure, he probably let her get that hit, but damn if it didn't make her feel better.

Yawning again, Artemis figured she might as well get to the point before boy wonder found himself tied up and stuffed inside her dresser. "I meant _why_ are you here, not how. If you're just going to bother me, I'll be more than willing to give you my cold."

"Infected by Artemis Crock germs—I'll take it as a token of favor from her highness," Robin sighed reverently and laid a hand over his heart, assuming a tragic pose. It quickly fell away at her exasperation, and he winked; an action she had to tell from the way his cheek moved more than anything else because he _still_ hadn't taken off those stupid shades.

"It'd depend on how you infect me, 'Mis."

"Painfully," Artemis drawled, and he seemed to perk up for a moment as he opened his mouth. She quickly narrowed her eyes, telling him not to test this or else she was going to be testing how durable the modern Boy Wonder was when pushed off a roof. Robin settled back against the door, still grinning for some reason.

She rolled her eyes at his immaturity, and groaned as she began to sit up. It didn't seem like he was going to be leaving anytime soon, and she might as well make herself comfortable, sick or not.

A sudden thought flitted across her mind, and she asked suspiciously, "Where's my mom?"

Robin tilted his head quizzically at her question as he leaned back against the door. She narrowed her eyes warily at the sight. A Robin pretending to be unaware was a dangerous Robin; she'd learned this the hard way. He hummed innocently under her stare. "You see, I've sort of…relieved her of duty."

"What. Duty?" Artemis asked between gritted teeth.

It was simply too bad that instead of distracting her with his usual roundabout conversations, Robin decided to be blunt for once in his—soon to be short—life. "You."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Same old story, clearing out my fic folder and realized I still had this there. Yikes. I was gonna post these in installments, but what the heck.

* * *

**Persistence and Pestilence**

**Part 2-ish**

* * *

There was a familiar pressure building up behind her right temple—she'd affectionately named this particular headache _'Boy Wonder'_—but Artemis tried to focus on the real issue here. Namely, the dick standing in front of her.

"How did you even convince my mom that _you_ could handle this?"

Robin chose to ignore the less than endearing way she spat the words, instead shrugging. "Your mom likes me. Go figure."

Her headache came back with a vengeance, and combined with the current state her body was in, Artemis found she was capable of little else than falling back onto her now pillow-less bed and groaning at the disaster this day had become. Feeling his eyes still watching her and knowing they were more than a little amused at the spectacle she was making at herself, she threw another pillow and snarled, "Get the hell out of my damn room!" How the hell had this day even gotten so bad?

Waking up with the mother of all colds? Check. Finding out that you couldn't go on a long anticipated mission to scope out an abandoned—_gorgeous_—island resort? Check. Discovering that you now had to spend the day with an acrobatic hero for whom trolling came as an instinct second only to breathing? Priceless.

She heard the shuffle of feet and cracking open an eye, Artemis now found herself in an empty room. Sighing, she spared a second to hope that he had the forethought to flee before she could summon up the energy to chase him, but knew it was for naught.

Robin could be accused of many things—enjoying pranking someone just a bit more than was strictly healthy, doing the 'ninja-thing' on such a regular basis that his teammates were now considering putting a bell on him for propriety, having the smuggest grin this side of Joker territory—but a lack of dedication was not one of them.

He wouldn't be leaving until the job was done, but sadly, Artemis could tell this cold wasn't going away for a while. And if the pressure building up behind her nose was any indication, it seemed to be getting worse.

God, she was tired.

Shooting a quick look at the door, Artemis figured that Robin was smart enough to give her some time to acclimatize to this before he showed up again. It was for the best anyways—she had a heavy duty paperweight in her bedside drawer that was just _screaming_ his name.

Yawning again and not even bothering to stifle it, she curled up inside her blanket and let her eyes flutter shut.

.

.

.

Artemis awoke to sound of someone moving in the other room. Sheer reflexes had her up and on her feet without seconds, bleary eyes scanning the room for a suitable weapon before they were forced to close due to the now pounding ache in her skull.

Moaning lowly, she settled for grabbing a hairbrush and attempting to sneak up on the intruder. This was going to be deeply satisfying. If she couldn't beat random assassins down on some exotic, tropical island, she was going to settle for mercilessly bashing in one's head in her kitchen.

Artemis snuck as slowly as she could towards the door—or at least as quietly as she could while hefting a thick blanket over her shoulders. It was cold. And she was—_augh_—sniffling. Making a mental note to grab a box of tissues after the assassin was knocked out, she tentatively reached a hand out towards the doorknob.

The door opened seconds before she even touched it.

As she was expected the cloaked face of a master criminal, Artemis found herself just a little disappointed by the shaded face of one Robin, his eyebrow arched in confusion. He said bemusedly, "And what exactly are you doing?"

Artemis narrowed her eyes as she contemplated hurting him despite the lack of the formal title of master criminal that would likely be given to him any day now, if he kept that grin going. She sighed. Too much trouble. Lowering the hairbrush from its strategic location pressed against the pulse point on his neck, she replied, "You scared me. I thought you were some assassin."

The corner of his mouth twitched as he asked, "You were going to cut my throat with a comb?"

Refusing to rise to the bait, Artemis shrugged and said simply, "There's a lot of ways to kill someone with a comb."

"And you would know?" He raised a brow, likely hoping to get her too angry to remember she was annoyed at him.

She didn't rise to the bait. "Yea, actually."

After all, he may have been trained by Batman himself, but that hero's no-kill policy was rather well known. Just as well known, even, as Sportsmaster's complete reversal of said policy. Pressing a hand against her forehead, Artemis tried to hold back the flood of memories. She really couldn't deal with this right now, not when her nose was threatening a coupe d'état.

Sniffling again and trying to convince herself it was simply because of the fact her nose felt like it was going to fall over her face , Artemis murmured, "Y'know what, I'm just gonna go back to bed now. Do whatever you want, I don't care."

Turning, she attempted to shamble back, only to stumble on the corner of her blanket—et tu blankie? All at once there was a hand on her elbow, steadying her. "Woah there, 'Mis. No need to break your head open, pretty sure that's not what your mom meant when she told me to take care of you."

His voice was calm and steady if a bit amused, but somehow it helped soothe the turmoil spinning around in her head. Robin grinned as Artemis suddenly collapsed against him and huffed, "If you're actually going to go through with this, then shut up and help me already."

She told herself to just ignore the smug note in his voice as he said smoothly, "Of course."

Robin was strangely careful as he led her back to the bed, arranging the pillow and sheets neatly before letting her down onto it. Artemis groaned as she sank back, and let him fuss a little more as he pulled the blanket up to her neck. Her lips quirked upwards into a small grin, one she hid carefully by faking a cough.

Fussy—now there was a word she would've never thought to associate with Robin. But that was exactly how he was acting-pausing a moment to fluff up her pillow, tucking in her sheets, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. Not sure whether it was the cold acting on her vocal cords, stringing them to their amusement, or some strange thoughtfulness that kept popping into her mind in his presence, Artemis asked, "What _exactly_ did you say to my mom?"

Robin grinned mischievously and opened his mouth to answer. Her hand shot out to cover it and, ignoring the fact that her hand was now _over his mouth_, she glared and ordered, "No lying, no running laps around the truth, and _definitely_ no distracting me until I forget why I even bothered."

The sudden slump of his shoulders was all she had to tell that he'd agreed, and peeling her hand away, she let him answer. Robin shot a quick questioning look towards her hand, and Artemis could tell he was wondering why she'd resorted to such means to get him to stop talking when she'd been so keen on using insults before.

Flushing because she didn't exactly know either, Artemis backed up a little to get some space in between them. There was a strange tilt to his mouth—that she'd just had her hand on, and oh god, she needed to stop thinking about this or she was going to go absolutely _mad_—that suggested he was carefully filing away her reaction.

Trying to hurry him up and clear away the tenseness in the air, Artemis prompted, "Well?"

Pursing his mouth—crap, she needed to stop noticing this, and _now_—Robin asked peevishly, "Are you sure you want to know?"

Her eyes stationed as far away as she could possibly get from his face—and lips—she nodded, not trusting herself to speak else she'd say no. Part of her didn't want to know, a little because she knew it had to be for a good reason and she was reluctant to lose some of her irritation at him.

It was easier to deal with someone like Robin, Artemis felt, when she could manage a decent level of anger against his quips. To approach him with a rational mind was just like begging to get it all twisted up and turned upside down by his smirks and nonsensical phrases. Why they seemed to have so much effect on her, she honestly didn't care to think about at the moment. The other reason she didn't want to know was because she had the growing feeling that if she was called on to testify in open court, it'd be better if she could claim ignorance.

All thoughts were shot to bits once he'd turned to her and gave her a half-smile.

Not a grin, or a smirk, or some diabolical twist of his mouth—an honest smile, however small. Trying to clear the sudden fog in her mind, Artemis barely noticed when he'd begun to speak.

Chuckling, Robin mused, "I'm guessing you don't want to hear the speech I had prepared."

Shaking away the dizziness with a cough, she summoned up some irritation and growled, "I told you _not_ to mess with me."

"I mean the speech I was going to give your mom," he corrected, looking sheepish. "The one I spent last night practicing so that I could convince her to let me take over today."

.

.

.

"What?" Artemis said, her voice strangely hollow.

Robin looked at unease by her sudden lack of anger, but he managed to repeat himself, "I sort of planned out a speech. Not that long, only three pages or so."

_Pages?_ She felt like she was choking a little, like there wasn't enough air in the room, and god, when had he gotten so _close_? Sucking in as much breath as she could, she tried to force out a response, only to have her voice crack. "You made a _speech_?"

He winced. "Not really."

Relief flooding through her, Artemis sighed, "Oh. Good. For a second, I actually thought you wrote out a huge presentation."

"I sort of did."

That's was it, her lungs were going to up and quit on her soon, no organ could handle this sort of stress. As they screamed at her just to make up her mind—healthy breathing or voluntary asphyxiation, whichever worked at this point—Artemis tried to speak, but all that came out was a cough.

She tried to breathe, but it seemed like her lungs had launched their attack in the coup d'état early without conferring with her nose. Every time she managed to get some air another fit of coughs would come along, wracking her body and forcing her to double over. Eyes watering, she attempted to wait them out, but found it was hard to when her chest felt like there was an anvil pressing down on it.

She was barely aware of an arm slipping over her shoulders and holding her still, but was a little more aware of a sudden murmur by her ear. "C'mon Artemis, just calm down a little. Breathe, okay?"

Much to her confusion, she did. Her coughs lessened to a pitiful keening, and she gulped in as much air as she could. God, her throat _burned_. She was faintly conscious of a hand rubbing her back, but found she really didn't care how close he was at this point, not when he seemed to be helping. Postponing the eventual humiliation she knew would come, Artemis chose instead to use his presence to its fullest, leaning closer to him.

He wasn't that annoying really, not when he was mumbling stupid phrases to get her to smile and insult him again. God, he had to be so screwed up if he actually enjoyed what she put him through. Artemis suddenly frowned. Actually, she had to be a bit screwed up to put him through it in the first place.

When she was done, Robin stepped back and smiled at her, hands raised as if to both show _'no harm coming from here'_ and_ 'if you pass out I make no excuses for my eventual freak out'. _Artemis just snorted, blinking clear her watery, strained eyes.

Oh god, they were both screwed up, weren't they?

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End file.
